We plan and Allah plans too, He is the best planner

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Let’s continue from where I left shall we…

To make it worst, I had the worst morning sickness ever. I’ll puked after eating, I’ll puked if I smell something ‘funny’, I just puked and puked. Tired and lethargic, most of the time I’ll be on the bed. Weekend je, atas katil la jawabnya kalau tak ke mana-mana. I don’t do the housework anymore, tapi sakit mata kalau nampak sepah.
I didn’t like the idea telling others about it. Bcos I’m still in denial and I really didn’t want anyone else to know… but when you’re living with your parents, mestilah kena cakapkan… and bcos sooner or later mesti boleh tau. I mean, mesti boleh teka kan… tak tinggal solat/puasa and muntah-muntah. So, yeahh 😏

During raya, lagi la aku bitter. Malas betul nak layan sapa-sapa. I didn’t gain any kilos during raya pun despite makan banyak. I had issues with fluid intake. I just cannot simply drink anything, even plain water. Salah minum je, keluarlah dikau semula 😔 I was dehydrated and almost nak kena admitted.

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Baby bump at 24 weeks

Bila jadi macam tu lagilaaa rasa macam dreadful nya. I caught myself few times telling husband that it is not good conceiving when you’re not ready. Stress. Kesian baby. And I never like pregnancy pun bcos I never had easy one.

I was at my comfort zone — trying to hit back that dream weight which I’ve been meaning of. Not involved with soiled diapers, sleepless night, breastfeeding… man, I don’t want any of this. For months I cried and cried and cried.

After cuti raya, I met Lu Yee when I told her I have another (birthday) present that I wanted to “give” her besides that real present. She was gleaming and said,  “are you pregnant?”
OMGGG!!! Does my forehead really tells people that I’m pregnant? I told her that our ex-colleague, Daniel also guessing that I’m pregnant when he met me during fasting month but masa tu tak pegi jumpa doc & what not. So I just said, “not yet.”
I told Lu Yee how I felt as she’s the only person that I can open up and tells almost everything. She said something that made me realise that I should be thankful for this pregnancy. I’ve been looking at this pregnancy as challenging, never to allow myself to think that this is a bless. Many times she reminds me, “you have to sayang this baby, ok?” 😔 Of course, I am! 😀

Weeks went by and I’m so counting the days till 2nd trimester. So that all these sickness, moody, tired and what not will go away… little that I know, naaahhh not so fasstt, mama! I still puke every now and then (even right now), and I still don’t like certain smell.

We decided that this baby going to be Selangorian, InsyaAllah. Routine checkups done at nearby klinik desa. Jumpa gynae once in awhile je. Ni pun patutnya due to see her, tapi called her clinic takde berangkat pulak. I hope I can see her one more time sebelum delivery.

I have the same condition when conceived Khadijah — polyhydramnios. We did detailed scan as early as 26wks, and confirmed that there’s a big pocket, but the AFI reading still not that obvious at that time. So till wk 30, there was nothing much that doc can do. And now memang confirm on the excessive fluid, but reading is still below 25, doc was more concerned on the baby’s size as she claimed that baby is bigger than the average size. I is so pening and nervous bcos she talked about delivering the baby via c-section. Takutt!

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As huge as a whale now, and the kids are playing a joke about my tummy… recently Khadijah was saying, “haaa gergasi dah masukk” 😑

With merely 4 weeks left till my EDD (I still think that this baby will come out early due to excessive fluid), I still have a lot more on the baby’s essentials list to go and deep down inside I pray and continue to pray that Allah will make things smooth and easy for us. I may not seen things as a blessing clearly right now, but I believe in Allah whatever that He plans and make us go through, it will never meant to torture but to make us a better muslim, InsyaAllah.

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Till the next entry!

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2018 baby

How do I even begin?
It was during the holy month of Ramadan. I was late, for period. But that was normal for me. I mean, I’m not a regular period cycle kind of person and fasting month memang period datang lambat. So, I don’t even bother.

But then, it hit me… hit me really hard, when everyone (female of course!) in the house dah period tapi aku tak lagi. Hoi, apa kena ni. I was so intrigued and at the same so so so afraid.

Bought the UPT kit and was so nervous to test it out. Still hoping that my period will finally come. Kept telling myself maybe my periods screwed sebab rajin sangat pegi jog/run lately.

Few days after, I gave in. Before went down for sahur, I did it and it felt the longest waiting game too see the result. I cried when the double lines appeared. Denial. Sigh.

I was so angry, upset. Why I’m so careless?! How can I let this happen?! For weeks I cried, and I prayed. I prayed to Allah if this is not meant for me… take it. Bcos I’m so not ready for another additional in the family.

Husband? I hate him. I cannot even see his face. For months I was in denial, and it was so stressful. And he was so cool. Eeeiii, rasa macam nak cubit cubitttttttt!!!!

First check up pun saja je pegi lambat-lambat. It was like few days before raya. And masa scan tu, doc said something…  “you have to see specialist la. I nampak your pregnancy ni mcm pregnancy anggur, molar pregnancy. But I tak boleh confirm on this. I suggest you better pegi jumpa OB the soonest possible.” You know, I was a bit relieved when I know that. Astagfirullah! I mean, kalau betul molar pregnancy, meaning there’s not going to be a fetus. Call me a bad mom or whatever, I’m just not even ready get pregnant again. No.

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And of course we went to see OB and when she showed us in details, nope. Sorry, mama! You’re going to have a baby!

To be continued…

My little man

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My lil man, Umar Syarif. He is my person. My chatty box, my companion — ever since school break started.

The thing with this pregnancy is selalu sangat tak larat. From the beginning till now. Masa awal-awal haritu lagilah, I’ve been puking and puking and I didn’t gain any kilos pun. Tu belum lagi cerita bab lain.

Ok, back to Umar.

So he been such a good boy. Selalu rasa bersalah sebab cuti sekolah kalini tiada ke mana-mana. Husband busy in the office, baru 2,3 hari ni je dia free sikit. But mama la pulak, tak larat 😔

There was a day when he said, he wants to borrow laptop. Bila tanya nak buat apa, “saya nak tengok trivago… kat situ boleh tengok hotel apa yang murah” Allah. Kesiannya!

Dan ada sekali he was pestering me to go to beach dan sebab tak tahan sedih, I told him to go and call his ayah tell him that you want to go to the beach 😅 and he did. Hehe. I didn’t hear the whole conversation as it took place downstairs. Well, young man… you still have few more days left before school break ends, I hope ayah will grant your wish 😀

Since I’m not fit enough to go up & down the stairs always, there’ll be only once (or maybe twice) in a day that I’ll be downstairs. Most of the time, memang kat atas — dalam bilik je.

And this lil guy la who make sure I’ll makan and get everything else that I need. He’ll bring the food to me during lunchtime, well, in return I’ll suap him makan. He’ll fill up my water bottle, I’ll help to collect parcel for me, picit my feet… I’ll definitely miss him once the school begins.

Kadang-kadang ada masa annoying juga dia ni sebab dah pesan banyak kali… “mama work now. Can we do this a lil bit later?” Dan dia so persistent, asking again and again… till you go, “okay alright. What do you want?” Kadang, I’ll ignore or marah la juga. He went off with that sad face and I immediately felt guilty. Aihh. If only he knew that I rather spending time with him than working. Sighh.

He takes care of me like an adult boy. He knows the drill when I said, “Umar, mama pening/tak larat/nampak bintang-bintang.” He’ll make sure I sit/lay down, then he will take the relaxing balm for me to inhale/exhale — “mama, kena buat 4 kali ok, barulah mama ok.” He’ll make sure my phone is within reach or he’ll ask me if he has to call ayah/my mom to check on me. There was this one day when I totally flat-out. Memang tak larat sangat. I lie down and take a nap kejap, he asked if he can massage my feet and I said yes… and I told him I just need to take a rest kejap. So he quietly picit my feet and the next thing I know, dia dah siap-siap selimut mama dia dah. Haha. Padanla comfortable sangat! Daripada nap, jadi tido terus 😅 Nasib baik terjaga!

Well Umar… you have been a terrific son. And I’m so sorry if I’m never be a good enough to you. I pray that Allah will always bless you with all His mercy, may you grow up to be anak yang soleh ye, sayang!

Okay, enough enough sebelum banjir Shah Alam ni… I should stop. This pregnancy has turned me into a very hormonal person. Hehe.

I should making an entry about baby #3, instead cerita pasal abang dia pulak 😉

ok, later!

Finally

I had the courage to not renewing it anymore.

Goodbye, thecoffeeaddicts.com!

I’ve imported all entries & medias from the previous blog. But I noticed some of the images are not being copied over… I don’t know what to do. Maybe kena upload once again, itu pun kalau still ada those images lagi 😉 Or perhaps I’ll try to drop an email to the support group of my domain, and see what they can help with.

Hopefully, I have time to karang entry regards to baby#3.

I’m so big now, 28 weeks now and I walk like a penguin, huge like a whale, I think I’ve hit 60kgs already.

Later!

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Today I sent out a S.O.S text to Da Da. I did what i did last summer again. It’s so calming to listen to her voice. She was there telling me what I need to do. And then came to a step where she had taught me before which i haved video-ed her teaching me. I have watched it the night before all this happen as i was editing a video of us and another close friend of ours (Margo). So when she asked me do i remember how to do it. I happily said yes and i have tried it before for another task i was doing. *that is my current fav video and will keep it safe*

In the midst of fixing the mess, 2 fellow interns suddenly wish me happy belated birthday and gave me the cake. Stunned ..i asked hey my birthday past quite some time d. Why so sudden?? Then they said look who’s the sender!!

It’s from Da Da! Ok she got me teary in front of the interns. Da Da said to me everything will be ok. Just enjoy the cake. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

God has been good to me. To count my blessings especially today Da Da..you are in my list. I pray that God will bless your good heart. If you are here physically today i would have kissed you on the cheeks. Ha ha. Maybe that’s a bit scary… hug will do. Ha ha.

Margo could tell that i sounded strange over the phone too. Ha ha i guess that’s what they said your friends will know if something is wrong. I hope if any thing that is troubling her will go away in a zap and to my siamese twins (Nano) like i told her earlier when she came to me..i’m on your side. And i will be your listener when ever you need me.

Ahhhh..it’s been a while since i last wrote here… i think is a good post. Maybe fews year after i will read this again and be reminded how blessed i am. Anyways..fun fact about Da Da: She is good at giving surprises…ones that can make you go teary..trust me. She is super good at this!!!

#11daysafter11November

Xoxo,

Cloud9

Don’t grow up so fast

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I miss to cuddle around with these two of my masyam. Tho at times, they both la yang selalu buat my blood go upstairs 😅

Umar just came into the room asking me to read bedtime stories to him, like we used to do. Ah, I feel like I’m a bad mom. Dah lama sangat tak baca pun… so, I read with him sampai dia menguap banyak kali & said, “ok mama… kita stop sini. Nanti sambung

Ish… rasa sebak pulak. He is just so young! Sometimes we treated him like he’s already big boy ☹️

Khadijah now is almost the same height as the brother. I think they shared the same weight and sometimes people will mistakenly thought that they are twins haha. Sebab lebih kurang sama.

Dah lama tak buat girls day out with her. Last time we did masa long distance dulu. I had her with me for 2 weeks, and we did so many things. Rindu jugak masa Kak Liya ada & take care of her. Basically, I missed the fun time with the girls 🙂

Let’s plan for something before this baby pops out. Most importantly, let’s see if I’m even up to it. Now nak jalan pun dah macam penguin, hehe.

Later!