Let’s continue from where I left shall we…
To make it worst, I had the worst morning sickness ever. I’ll puked after eating, I’ll puked if I smell something ‘funny’, I just puked and puked. Tired and lethargic, most of the time I’ll be on the bed. Weekend je, atas katil la jawabnya kalau tak ke mana-mana. I don’t do the housework anymore, tapi sakit mata kalau nampak sepah.
I didn’t like the idea telling others about it. Bcos I’m still in denial and I really didn’t want anyone else to know… but when you’re living with your parents, mestilah kena cakapkan… and bcos sooner or later mesti boleh tau. I mean, mesti boleh teka kan… tak tinggal solat/puasa and muntah-muntah. So, yeahh 😏
During raya, lagi la aku bitter. Malas betul nak layan sapa-sapa. I didn’t gain any kilos during raya pun despite makan banyak. I had issues with fluid intake. I just cannot simply drink anything, even plain water. Salah minum je, keluarlah dikau semula 😔 I was dehydrated and almost nak kena admitted.
Bila jadi macam tu lagilaaa rasa macam dreadful nya. I caught myself few times telling husband that it is not good conceiving when you’re not ready. Stress. Kesian baby. And I never like pregnancy pun bcos I never had easy one.
I was at my comfort zone — trying to hit back that dream weight which I’ve been meaning of. Not involved with soiled diapers, sleepless night, breastfeeding… man, I don’t want any of this. For months I cried and cried and cried.
After cuti raya, I met Lu Yee when I told her I have another (birthday) present that I wanted to “give” her besides that real present. She was gleaming and said, “are you pregnant?”
OMGGG!!! Does my forehead really tells people that I’m pregnant? I told her that our ex-colleague, Daniel also guessing that I’m pregnant when he met me during fasting month but masa tu tak pegi jumpa doc & what not. So I just said, “not yet.”
I told Lu Yee how I felt as she’s the only person that I can open up and tells almost everything. She said something that made me realise that I should be thankful for this pregnancy. I’ve been looking at this pregnancy as challenging, never to allow myself to think that this is a bless. Many times she reminds me, “you have to sayang this baby, ok?” 😔 Of course, I am! 😀
Weeks went by and I’m so counting the days till 2nd trimester. So that all these sickness, moody, tired and what not will go away… little that I know, naaahhh not so fasstt, mama! I still puke every now and then (even right now), and I still don’t like certain smell.
We decided that this baby going to be Selangorian, InsyaAllah. Routine checkups done at nearby klinik desa. Jumpa gynae once in awhile je. Ni pun patutnya due to see her, tapi called her clinic takde berangkat pulak. I hope I can see her one more time sebelum delivery.
I have the same condition when conceived Khadijah — polyhydramnios. We did detailed scan as early as 26wks, and confirmed that there’s a big pocket, but the AFI reading still not that obvious at that time. So till wk 30, there was nothing much that doc can do. And now memang confirm on the excessive fluid, but reading is still below 25, doc was more concerned on the baby’s size as she claimed that baby is bigger than the average size. I is so pening and nervous bcos she talked about delivering the baby via c-section. Takutt!
As huge as a whale now, and the kids are playing a joke about my tummy… recently Khadijah was saying, “haaa gergasi dah masukk” 😑
With merely 4 weeks left till my EDD (I still think that this baby will come out early due to excessive fluid), I still have a lot more on the baby’s essentials list to go and deep down inside I pray and continue to pray that Allah will make things smooth and easy for us. I may not seen things as a blessing clearly right now, but I believe in Allah whatever that He plans and make us go through, it will never meant to torture but to make us a better muslim, InsyaAllah.
Till the next entry!